


/kill everylastoneofthem

by UmbreonGurl



Series: FE3H Minecraft AU [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crack, Gen, minecraft au, no beta we die like men, spoiler free
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 09:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20776517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UmbreonGurl/pseuds/UmbreonGurl
Summary: The Blue Lions side of the Garreg Mach Minecraft server. Factions, PVP Enabled.





	1. Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain stole them. It was Sylvain who stole the cookies.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yo whoever left the plate of cookies in the classroom you da bomb

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: this shit fuckin good

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain, those weren’t for you.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: well then who were they for

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: those shits seemed free for anyone to me

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: cuz they were just sittin there on a bigass plate like

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: like wtf was i supposed to think

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Mercedes made those for Annette, dumbass.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait rlly

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: r u sure cuz they were kinda just sitting there in the classroom like

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i thought that meant they were fine to eat??

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: And whose desk were they sitting on, Sylvain?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: annettes why

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oh

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: OH

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oh no mercedes is gonna fuckin kill me

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix why the fuck didnt u tell me not to eat them

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I did, you idiot.

(Lions) pu55yslayerysylvain: wtf no u didnt or i wouldnt have eaten them

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I told you not to eat them and you said, and I quote:

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: “Stop tryna kill my fun Felix! They’re obviously meant for everyone! You’re just mad because you don’t like cookies!”

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: And then you tried to shove one of those disgusting things in my fucking face.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oh right i forgot abt that haha whoops

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: “haha whoops” You idiot.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why are u mocking me that WAS a haha whoops moment

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix bro ur hurting my feelings :(

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: And? 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bro thats not cool

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: And I should give a fuck why?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: cuz thats not a very bro thing to do

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: f-felix kun ur hurting my feelings

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: :(((

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Suck it up and take the L then.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fine then >:(

NoMercie has joined the game.

pu55yslayersylvain —> FighterFraldarius: shit bro wtf do i do mercedes is gonna kill me

pu55yslayersylvain —> FighterFraldarius: help me please felix kun ill do anything uwu

FighterFraldarius —> pu55yslayersylvain: Anything?

pu55yslayersylvain —> FighterFraldarius: yes anything just pls help a bro out

FighterFraldarius —> pu55yslayersylvain: Then perish.

pu55yslayersylvain —> FighterFraldarius: wait u know how to use memes??? wtf since when

FighterFraldarius —> pu55yslayersylvain: Of course I know memes. I’m not a boomer, you idiot.

pu55yslayersylvain —> FighterFraldarius: you literally didnt know how to break a block when u first started dude

pu55yslayersylvain —> FighterFraldarius: u kept single clicking and not holding it like im sorry how do u not expect me to think ur a boomer?

FighterFraldarius —> pu55yslayersylvain: Any chance you had of me helping you is now gone.

pu55yslayersylvain —> FighterFraldarius: there was a chance then??? :)

FighterFraldarius —> pu55yslayersylvain: No.

pu55yslayersylvain —> FighterFraldarius: :(

(Lions) NoMercie: Which one of you ate the cookies I made for Annette? ^_^ 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Sylvain did. I don’t even like cookies.

(Lions) NoMercie: Sylvain! How could you? D:

(Lions) NoMercie: I made those for Annie because she got sick. D:

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i swear i didnt know they werent free for everyone

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im just stupid and thought u made them for everybody to eat im sorry

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: please dont kill me haha youre so sexy

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Really? That’s the apology you go with?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: r u mad cuz i didnt call u sexy

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: dw ingrid ur sexy too

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Dumbass.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: dw felix here in blue lions we are ALL sexy

(Lions) NoMercie: It’s alright, I made her more.

(Lions) NoMercie: Next time, Sylvain, if you want cookies just make sure to tell me next time so I can make you a batch, ok? ^_^

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: will do mercedes thank u so much for forgiving me ur the best

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and the cookies u make are the best too

(Lions) NoMercie: Ahh! I’m so glad they turned out well! I was trying a new recipe. ^_^

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: :D

SexySinger has joined the game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: aw shit here we go again

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Sylvain, if you dm her more stupid minecraft pickup lines I will actually slap the shit out of you.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bet

pu55yslayersylvain —> SexySinger: *teleports into your dms*

pu55yslayersylvain —> SexySinger: haha i threw my enderpearl and it landed here in your dms so here i am ;)

pu55yslayersylvain —> SexySinger: so whats up baby?

SexySinger —> FighterFraldarius: Sylvain’s trying to use minecraft pick up lines on me again. Either kill him for me or tpa me to him so I can do it myself. <3

FighterFraldarius —> SexySinger: I’ll do it. You killing him seems to have lost its effect. 

SexySinger —> FighterFraldarius: Thanks, Felix. <3

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Sylvain, I warned you.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no felix wait dont kill me haha youre so sexy

pu55yslayersylvain was slain by FighterFraldarius using [Dumbass]

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you cant kill me after i called u sexy thats illegal according to the bro code

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Too bad for you that I don’t abide by the bro code. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: what the fuck you signed the contract

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No, I didn’t. I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wym ill send u a pic ur signatures right on it

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Sylvain, that’s the worst forgery I’ve ever fucking seen holy shit.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You didn’t even try to mimic my handwriting at all.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You literally just wrote “Felix :)”

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Since when do I sign my name with a fucking smiley face.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: since i wrote the contract

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Holy shit Sylvain does that say page 25 of 25 at the bottom?

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: How fucking long did you spend making your dumbass bro code contract for it to be 25 pages long?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: a long time

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: altho like 15 of the pages are just printed out memes but they still count imo

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: are u impressed? ;)

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I’m impressed at how stupid this is. This is a new low, even for your usual levels of dumbassery.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: so ur saying i impressed you? :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im glad i impressed you felix kun

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Stop calling me Felix-kun.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: owo im sowwy mistew fewix is dis bettew

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Sylvain can you just for once shut the fuck up?

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I don’t think he’s physically able to. He has no brain to mouth filter.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i so do have a brain to mouth filter fuck you ingrid

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You called Professor Byleth “dummy thicc” yesterday when she greeted you.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You have no brain to mouth filter.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok first of all

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: she is dummy thicc and thats a fact so im not wrong

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Actually, it’s an opinion.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up felix im tryna make a point here dude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and second of all i knew what i was doing when i called her dummy thicc

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: so it was an active choice and thus i have a brain to mouth filter

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ingrid fucking owned with facts and logic right there folks

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: anything to say in your defense?

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You know, sometimes I wonder if he was dropped on his head as a child.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I’m pretty sure he was. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck you i was not

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ah shit brb dimitri needs me for smthn

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Later, dumbass.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: later asshole

pu55yslayersylvain has left the game.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Finally, some peace and fucking quiet.

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: who the fuck ate my pizza rolls

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Aaand I spoke too soon.

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: this is a serious fucking crime people

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: oh nvm it was me false alarm

(Global) (Eagles) CrestTextbook: Caspar, wrong chat.

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: oh haha whoops mb :)

pu55yslayersylvain has joined the game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im back bitches

(Lions) NoMercie: What did Dimitri need you for, Sylvain?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: he needed me to make dedue a minecraft account

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: which me being the gentleman and alpha gamer i am so graciously helped him to do

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: The fact you used the words “alpha gamer” to describe yourself means that you are not an alpha gamer.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: excuse you did YOU make dedue a minecraft account?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no so thats right you have no right to judge my alpha gamer status felix kun

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: its ok you’re still cool youre just not an alpha gamer like me

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: can u chug a monster energy then crush the can in your hands felix

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I wouldn’t know, as that’s not something I’ve ever tried to do. And I don’t want to.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: r u sure cuz i could totally teach u bro

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: For the last fucking time, I don’t want your goddamn gamer fuel, Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why not

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Because it’s fucking disgusting.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: ^ That shit is gross. I have no idea how you drink it.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: its simple i channel my inner gamer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am way too smug about the title of this fic you have NO idea


	2. You're a tsundere, Felix.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain and Felix bicker. What else is new?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: it is wednesday my dudes

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No it’s not. It’s Friday.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: well its wednesday somewhere chill out its just a meme felix

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: It’s not Wednesday anywhere other than your imagination.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: well my imagination is still somewhere isnt it

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im not wrong

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Considering your head is full of air, I would argue that your imagination isn’t somewhere.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: being in the air is still somewhere

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: while ur flyin on a pegasus u dont like just suddenly enter the void

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you dont do that right do u idk how pegasi work

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no as in you do enter the void or no as in u dont

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No as in you’re an idiot.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck you it was a legitimate question

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i dont come into your house and put coffee grounds in your tea leaves

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thats claude not me

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: We weren’t asking.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and i wasnt asking for ur sass but u still give it anyways

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Also, coffee isn’t cheap. Not even Claude would waste it for a stupid prank.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Actually, he totally would.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ^ ya have u fucking met claude dude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you saw what he did to the caspar bro club dude

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Fair point. That was a disaster.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wym that shit was LEGENDARY

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: A legendary disaster, sure.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: it was not a disaster

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes it was.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ur only sayin that cuz ur still salty someone got pizza sauce in ur hair

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: lmaoo

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Sylvain, you know as well as I do that it was a disaster.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ya to u maybe but to me? that shit was epic

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: it brought up the most important decision mankind has ever faced

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: to yeet or not to yeet

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I’m pretty sure people have faced far more difficult decisions than that.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ur right yeeting a lance over the walls is weak shit

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: the real hard choice here was actually pizza or pizza rolls

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Again, no.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: u just hate pizza rolls smh

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I don’t hate pizza rolls, I don’t like them. There’s a difference. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: how

PrinceDimitri has joined the game.

Dedude has joined the game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hiiii dedue what is up my dedude

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Why am I not surprised that you picked that username for him, Sylvain?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: its because im epic

(Lions) Dedude: Is this username not good? I was under the impression it was a fairly standard one.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No, it’s fine Dedue. Sylvain just likes to make stupid puns and meme references everywhere.

(Lions) Dedude: Ah.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: excuse you my puns are not stupid and my memes are dank

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Your memes are stank, not dank.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: u tagged me in a boomer meme the other day

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: u have no right to criticize my memes felix

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Shut up, Sylvain. It was funny.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I have to agree with Sylvain here.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thx ingrid

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: As much of a dumbass as he is, he knows his memes.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hold up ingrid what happened to being nice to poor old sylvain here

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You lost your rights to me being nice to you the moment you hit on my grandma.

(Lions) pu55yslayerysylvain: excuse u ur grandma was lookin like a snack

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: u cannot blame me for that one

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: besides she said i was a dashing young man and gave me a cookie

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: She gives everyone cookies, Sylvain, that’s what grandmas do.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You’re not special.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: but she said i was a special young man and was gonna make me mittens…

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Yeah and by special I think she meant you are especially annoying.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Im still in awe you hit on my grandma.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Even for you thats a new low.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: idk ingrid id call that a high tbh grandma cookies = lit

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Is that all one has to do to win your favor? Be a female and give you cookies?

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: From what I’ve seen, yes.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yeah pretty much

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait a sec dimitri since when have you been on

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Dedue and I logged on at the same time.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oh

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: also you cant say anything abt me being controlled with cookies when you can be controlled with fuckin cheese bro

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Cheese is good. I don’t see why you mock me for it.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you eat the most disgusting cheese ive ever seen dude with no issue

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i have no idea how the hell you eat that shit dude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: like its not edible, that shit is RANCID

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Oh, look at you, using big words like a big boy.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck off boomer felix

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: My cheese is not rancid.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yes it is

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes, it is.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Yes, it is.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: ….It can’t be that bad.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yes it can

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes, it can.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Yes, it can.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Why did nobody tell me that I was the only one who liked it?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: we did

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: We did.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: We did.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: This is starting to feel like a call-and-response song. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and whose fault is that dude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: not mine

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: ^ For once.

(Lions) pu55yslayerysylvain: on jah felix you’ve yeed your last haw

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Bet. You can’t even touch me with your iron armored ass. 

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Don’t talk to me til you have enchanted diamond armor.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i used to have some

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: but like dorothea kept killing me and taking all of it

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and she hasnt given any of it back :(

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You didn’t seriously expect her to give you your stuff back, did you?

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You sent her an honest to god Minecraft Girlfriend Contract. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and? It was a fair offer all she needed to do was say no smh

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i didnt see anything wrong with it like ???

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: did i not offer enough diamonds or something

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: It was the fact you had the gall to send one in the first place that pissed her off, I think.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You think? She dms me for tps to kill him every other day.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and you keep accepting them smh with friends like these who needs enemies

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Okay it was definitely the reason. I should have been more careful about my wording.

(Lions) Dedude: Where is the farm?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: gimme a hot sec fam i gotchu

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: whoops i forgot to replant last time haha

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Sylvain, you’re not supposed to break the stem for the melon plants.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: but i thought u gotta harvest the whole plant tho???

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: No.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You have no right to go around calling people boomers when you don’t know how to harvest melons in minecraft.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thats just cuz im stupid not cuz im a boomer

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im still an epic gamer felix and you cant tell me otherwise

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Holy shit you broke the pumpkin stems too. You actual fucking moron.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yea but im your favorite moron :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you’re such a tsundere felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix be like:

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: its not like i like you or anything- you fucking moron

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: youre so stupid for forgetting your lunch, its not like im gonna give you half of mine or anything

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I am not a tsundere.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: do you even know what a fucking tsundere is

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you just looked it up on urban dictionary didn’t you

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I am not a tsundere. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oh you totally fucking did lmao

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: tsundere boomer felix tsundere boomer felix

pu55yslayersylvain was slain by FighterFraldarius using [Dumbass]

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: killing me in minecraft is only proving you are a tsundere

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: denying it only makes it stronger felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you cannot escape the tsundere

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: That might be true, but I can sure as hell kill it.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait no

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix no do NOT do what i think ur boutta do

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: please im begging you dont do it have mercy

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No mercy.

pu55yslayersylvain has left the game.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You pulled the plug on his computer didn’t you.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: From what I can see, yes, he did.

FighterFraldarius has left the game.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: And there goes Felix. Sylvain strikes back. A fight in the library. Lovely.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: So much for our house having a reputation for being honorable.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Let’s be real here, did anyone ever buy that?

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: You have a fair point.


	3. It’s just a prank my bromie homie.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caspar and Sylvain bond over being “on that grind,” Sylvain annoys Felix, and Ingrid and Caspar have a conversation about his cat.

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: yall ever just yuh yeet

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: preach bro

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: ok one sec lemme grab my scripture

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait what lmao

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: AND ALL STUDENT ATHLETES MUST STAY ON THAT GRIND

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: Cichol 4:20

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i dont think it goes like that dude

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: and how tf would u know my guy

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: i never knew u were a church boy dude

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thats cuz im not but even i know that that shit dont go like that

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: wym it totally does i just read it from mine

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ??? caspar tf send me a pic theres no way

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: ok one sec

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: caspar did you write this yourself

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: no of course not

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: “and the goddess sayeth all men under five foot four are short kings mama ay”

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: okay you totally wrote this yourself 

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: dont lie dude im sorry you totally did thats your handwriting

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: yea and? so what if i did

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: caspar dude i dont think u can put Cichol 4:20 and Seiros 6:9 on the same page

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: why not

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: cuz if i rmr right the numbers have smthn to do with the pages??

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: the numbers mean shit??? i thought they were just there to be haha funny

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait dude did you set all of these to 420 or 69

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: yeah lmao

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: nice

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: nice

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: nice

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: but yeah u cant have Cichol 4:20 Seiros 6:9 and Cethleann 4:20 on the same page

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: ohhhhh ok does everything else look good tho

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: I got invited to choir practice this week so like i gotta be at my best yafeelme

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yeah bro i feel you

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: everything else looks tho good bro this shit is funny

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: like absolute fucking gold caspar you’re a god

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: epic thanks my guy ill fix the pages and shit

FighterFraldarius has joined the game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oh hey look its the fun police smh

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I’m not the fun police. I don’t give a shit what you do.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ya u do u stop me from doing stuff all the time dude wtf u mean

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: If it implicates the rest of us too, of course I fucking stop you from doing it.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: But if it’s your problem? You deal with it. I don’t have time for your shit.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i know u care bro

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: its okay you dont have to say it i know shit like that makes tsunderes like you uncomfortable

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Will you ever stop calling me a tsundere?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you need to relax my guy its just a prank bro

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: like chill tf out bro

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ya bro my broseph 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: my bruh bro broseph yoseph homie bromie bologna

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: (thats how u spell bolonie right?? i had to look that shit up)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix u there

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix?? my bro?? my guy?? my homie??? my best man??

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ah shit i should probably go check on him brb yall

pu55yslayersylvain has left the game.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Is he gone?

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I believe so.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Were you here the whole time?

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Yes. But I’ve been semi-afk.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Okay, so you saw him doing stupid shit and said nothing?

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I didn’t have the energy to deal with him today. 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: So that’s your problem now.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No way. I didn’t agree to this. You can’t shove him on me.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Too late. I already have.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Besides, he already is shoving himself on you anyways. I think he’s on his way to find you right now.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Fuck.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: How long do you think I have until he arrives?

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Fuck. He’s already here. Be right back.

FighterFraldarius has left the game.

NoMercie has joined the game.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Hello, Mercedes. 

(Lions) NoMercie: Hi! ^-^

(Lions) NoMercie: How are you today?

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I’m well. And you?

(Lions) NoMercedes: Good! I just finished a batch of brownies! I think they turned out really well!

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: That’s wonderful! I’m sure everyone will love them. 

(Lions) NoMercie: ^_^ 

(Lions) NoMercie: There was some really fresh butter in the fridge, so hopefully they should have turned out good!

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Oh, that’s wonderful!

FighterFraldarius has joined the game.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Welcome back, Felix.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: haha ingrid youre so sexy hi its me felix fire emblem

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain, what did you do to Felix?

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: wym this is felix bro

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: First of all, Felix uses punctuation and has decent grammar.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Second of all, he would never ever use the word “bro.”

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: ya i would wym

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Outside of him mocking you, I’ve never heard him once utter the word bro.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: ive heard him say it

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain, you just admitted you’re not Felix.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: no i didnt im felix fire emblem

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You just did it again.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: fuck

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: ah shit felix is coming back byeee

(Lions) NoMercie: Bye, Sylvain!! ^_^

FighterFraldarius has left the game.

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: hey have any of yall seen my cat anywhere i havent seen him today

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: What does it look like, Caspar? 

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: There are so many cats around, I may have seen it but not known it was yours.

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: ok so hes kinda fat and pretty mean but

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: he has a stripey tail and black marks over his eyes and liek white marks on his face

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: mister wiggles really likes digging thru the garbage too its like his favorite thing

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Hey, uh, Caspar?

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: oh have u seen him? 

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Are you sure Mister Wiggles is a cat?

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: ???? wtf else would he be ingrid

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Because what you’ve described sounds a lot like the raccoon I saw by the garbage bin near the dorms.

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: wym tho like mr wiggles likes garbage sure but that doesnt mean hes not a cat ingrid

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: ur so mean smh discriminating against mr wiggles just cuz hes fat and likes garbage.

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Let me send you a picture of the animal I think you’re talking about.

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: ok???

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: holy shit ingrid u found mr wiggles thank u so much ur the best bless u

(Global) (Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Caspar, I just sent you a picture of a raccoon.

(Global) (Eagles) Caspartheghost: wow ingrid not cool stop bullying mister wiggles wtf

pu55yslayersylvain has joined the game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok so it turns out that felix WASNT dead

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: he was just ignoring me

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No, really? I can’t believe he’d do such a thing.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ikr??? like im so glad hes ok i was rlly worried he had a stroke or smthn

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: cuz my homie vroseph bromie homie would never ignore me like that

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: cuz thatd go against the bro code and everyone knows

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: we dont break the bro code cuz we on that grind all day erryday hell yea

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sometimes I wonder how the hell you’re even alive.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: its cuz im #blessed and never giving up

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: workin towards my dream 100 rip grandma 1175 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: What did you do to Felix, Sylvain?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i did nothing wtf why r u accusing me like this ingrid not cool my dude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: smh all I did was tell him that dimitri borrowd his fav sword i didnt do nothin

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Is he actually borrowing Felix’s favorite sword?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no lmao but i have never seen felix take off running so fast in my mf life

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: dude got fuckin woke and went sanic speed towards the training ground lmaooo

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Ah. What kind of flowers do you want on your grave? You’ll have to pay for them, of course.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: how tf would i pay for shit if im dead ingrid that makes no mf sense

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: do u expect me to reach my hand out the grave and hand u dosh???

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No. I’ll simply sell your Pokemon cards to pay for them.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you keep your fucking hands off my charizard i swear to god 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: if i die that shits goin with me to the grave

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you’ll have to pull it from my cold dead hands

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Well then, no flowers for you.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thats ok as long as u hold an epic party at my funeral

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and i mean epic like a total rager dude


	4. Farmer Dedue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dedue's love and care in tending to the plants has not gone unnoticed by Hilda, whose special plant in the back of the greenhouse has been doing especially well lately. Sylvain is being stupid as usual.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey do you think i need new pickup lines

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: my old ones aint workin as well as they used to

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Have you tried not using the same line twice on someone who hated it the first time?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: That… might be a place to start. 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Also, maybe just… stop using them period.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why? girls love pickup lines

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No they don’t.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yea they do

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No, they don’t.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey ingrid 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: What?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: r u in the nether rn

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No, why?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: cuz ur outta this world baybee

pu55yslayersylvain was killed by WannabeFalconKnight using [Magnum Dong]

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ingrid wtf thats my sword

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: did you steal my fucking sword ingrid wth dude

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Yes. And every time you use one of those awful pickup lines you will die to it.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey ingrid

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey hey ingrid

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: What, Sylvain? What the fuck do you want now?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: are u sure ur not a torch? cuz u light up my world :)

pu55yslayersylvain was killed by WannabeFalconKnight using [Magnum Dong]

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wtf that wasnt even a dirty or gross pickup line that was supposed to be cute :(

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: If it comes from your mouth, it is automatically filthy and bad.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: cmon im not that bad

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: like ur truly bullying me for minecraft puns

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i bet if caspar said the same shit ud think it was cute

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: what does he have that i dont like we both dumbasses how come he gets to be loved

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Well for one thing, he didn’t hit on my grandmother.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: that was only one time will u pls let that go

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: :(

NarutoStan445 has joined the game.

(Lions) NarutoStan445: Hello.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey ashe

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey ashe hey

(Lions) NarutoStan445: ?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: have u caught them all yet

(Lions) NarutoStan445: ?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: do u not know the joke??? 

(Lions) NarutoStan445: No?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: cuz ur ash ketchum and ur gonna catch em all?? 

(Lions) NarutoStan445: Who is Ash Ketchum?

Dedude has joined the game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: have u srsly never seen pokemon wtf

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why does nobody appreciate my fucking jokes around here

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Because they’re shit.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix!! hi hi hi hi

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i didnt know u were on haha u didnt talk

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix??? hello?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: am i still unfriended for telling u dimitri was using ur sword??

PrinceDimitri has joined the game. 

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Why are there so many pigs in my house?

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I don’t know, ask Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i didnt do anything to dimitris house wtf felix what did you do

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix what the hell

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Sylvain, what the hell?

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: My computer is starting to get alarmingly slow.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: I cannot hear anything over the amount of oinking going on.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Sylvain, do you think making my computer slow down is humorous?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok what the fuck i actually did nothing why am I getting blamed here

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bullying dimitri is felix’s thing being stupid is mine they dont mix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok i take it back they sometimes mix but

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: pig dimitri jokes are felix’s thing not mine i wouldnt steal that from my homie bromie balogna

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Felix, might you perhaps want to explain why there are a bunch of pigs in my minecraft abode?

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Nope.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: see hes practically admitting to it i didnt do shit fuck you felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: tryna throw the blame on me goes against the bro code my guy

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: For the last FUCKING time, I never signed your damn bro code. Thus, I don’t have to follow it.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: false

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: being my bro counts as automatically signing the bro code by proxy

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: And when, exactly, did I agree to be your bro?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: when we were 5 we spit on our hands and shook on being bros for life

(Lion) FighterFraldarius: That doesn’t count.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you cant break a spit shake bro those are unbreakable

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ur stuck with me Felix :)

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: I have finally finished disposing of all the pigs and now have an entire double chest of cooked pork.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Thank you for the food, Felix. Good day.

PrinceDimitri has left the game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: dimitri be like

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thanks for the tea felix kun

pu55yslayersylvain was slain by FighterFraldarius using [Dumbass]

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: :(

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: what if i put my minecraft bed next to yours so we could be the best of bros

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Do that and I’ll kill you and throw the bed into lava.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok ok i was just kidding haha..

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ...unless?

pu55yslayersylvain was slain by FighterFraldarius using [Dumbass]

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: :(

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: which one of yall was touching my plants in the back of the greenhouse

(Global) (Lions) Dedude: I apologize. I did not realize those were your plants. I have been tending to them as I have all the others.

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: nono dude dont apologize

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: like i’ve never seen the plants this healthy before i always forget to take care of them lmao

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: im p surprised tho u gonna have to teach me ur weed growing secrets I’ve never seen mr puff so green and happy

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait dedue is growing weed?

(Global) (Lions) Dedude: I have been very careful to keep the gardens free of weeds. There are no weeds growing in it planted by my hands.

(Global) (Deer) PrettyGirlGoneril: …

(Global) (Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: …

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: he doesnt know what weed is oh my god

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: do u think if we told him he’d stop caring for the weed plant because if so im begging u not to tell him 

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: cuz that plant is like about as hyper and perky as lysithea when u give her mtn dew 

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: he probably would stop yea cuz he’d ask dimitri for advice and dimitris such a buzzkill sometimes i swear

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: hes all “stop using minecraft pickup lines sylvain”

Narutostan445 has left the game.

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: “stop putting your minecraft bed next to mine sylvain its not funny anymore”

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: “dont hit on ingrids grandma sylvain”

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: hold up he might actually have a point on that last one dude why the fuck are you hitting on her grandma

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: have you met ingrids grandma

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: no wtf why

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: listen if you met her youd understand you cant criticize me until u meet her 

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: no im pretty sure i have every fucking right to make fun of you for hitting on ingrids grandma

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: why does everyone make fun of me for hitting on ingrids grandma tho like it was one time people just wont LET IT GO

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: because you hit on her GRANDMA dude

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: her fucking GRANDMA

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: LISTEN I DIDNT KNOW SHE WAS INGRIDS GRANDMA WHEN I HIT ON HER OK

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: so stop making fun of me hilda

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: hmmmm lemme think on that….

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: n o . :))))

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: stop making fun of me or ill tell seteth about the weed in the greenhouse :)))))

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: fine i see how it is be like that 

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: btw can i copy your homework lol

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: bold of you to assume I did the homework

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: was worth a shot

pu55yslayersylvain tried to swim in lava.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wtf who put that fucking lava trap there

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix not fucking cool dude

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I didn’t do it. I was too busy pigbombing the boar’s house.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: if you didnt do it then who did? Ingrid did you do it?

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No. I don’t have the time nor energy to do that right now.

(Lions) Dedude: I did not make any lava traps. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait one sec theres a sign here

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fucking claude i stg

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: dude thought my place was dimitris house

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: tell claude he lavatrapped the wrong house and that he owes me a new set of armor when he gets on

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: was that lava death because of a trap he made

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: yup

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: smh claude ill talk to him

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: and get u a new set of armor on one condition

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: ya what is it

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: give me the hw answers :)

pu55yslayersylvain —> PrettyGirlGoneril: wtf i already said i didnt do the hw yet

PrettyGirlGoneril —> pu55yslayersylvain: better get to work then huh?? :))


	5. Uh oh! Sylvain, you're stinky!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain believes that Ingrid cannot say the fuck word, and she vehemently proves otherwise. (Among other things.)

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: Creeper

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ah shit

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: You’re supposed to say “awww man” >:(

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: so no creeper?

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: No, no creeper. It’s a song.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oh sorry annette

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im stupid :(

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes, we’re aware.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck off felix

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Make me.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bold words for someone in render distance

pu55yslayersylvain was slain by FighterFraldarius using [Dumbass]

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: rude

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You attacked me. I had every right to kill you.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: still rude smh

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No it isn’t.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up felix youre fucking rude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: rude ass bitch

pu55yslayersylvain was slain by FighterFraldarius using [Dumbass]

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: RUDE ASS BITCH

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Ok, stinky.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: excuse you youre the stinky one

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I shower every day. I am not stinky.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You’re the one who always reeks. Those girls’ perfumes are rancid. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck you felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: eat my ass

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Sucks to suck.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: that is slander i do not suck

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: Creeper

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Awww man.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: …

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: what the fuck

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: You ruined it, Sylvain. D:

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: sorry annette i just am in awe that felix actually went along with that

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i didnt know he was physically capable of being nice

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: u dont think hes sick do u

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You saw me an hour ago. I was not sick then, and I am not sick now.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Stupid.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok phew i was legit worried there for a sec like wtf 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: like felix??? being nice??? im trippin

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: Felix isn’t that mean. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yea he is

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey felix

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: What, moron?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: joe

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I don’t suppose you’re talking about Teh?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: teh????

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Teh stupidity of Sylvain Jose Gautier is unparalleled.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck you i was trying to make a joe mama joke

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yeah, and nobody falls for those anymore, stupid.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: caspar does

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bet you feel stupid now huh

ItsAHardKnockLife has left the game.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Caspar doesn’t count. He’s stupid. My statement still stands.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: okay smart guy spell icup

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: ICUP.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: … okay that didnt work as well on text chat 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thats way more funny irl 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: but i still got u tho so there >:)

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Did you get me when I said it just to screw with you because I knew it wouldn’t work over text?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hmmmmmmm

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yea still counts

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Next thing you’re going to say you’re updog.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wtf is updog

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Not much, how about you? :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait SHIT

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wtf felix you cant use my jokes 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: being haha funny is my thing fuck you

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You’re both not funny. 

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Shut up, Ingrid.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: stfu ingrid

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: mind your own business this is our beef

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain, do you want me to kill you again?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i dont

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Then shut the FUCK up.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: ….

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: did ingrid just say the fuck word 

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes, I think so.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: What, I’m not allowed to say fuck? I say fuck all the time.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no u dont

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No, you don’t.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Fuck you both.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: okay ingrid srsly wtf is up with you you never curse this much

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: who pissed in ur corn flakes my dude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait im not sure do u even eat corn flakes

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck it my point still stands you get what i mean lmao

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Nobody pissed in my corn flakes. Because you fucking ate all of them. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait those were urs?? I thought they were ashes or smthn cuz hes boring he seems like the type to eat corn flakes for breakfast

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: like srsly who eats corn flakes for breakfast that shits so nasty

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I do. I eat corn flakes for breakfast, Sylvain. They are not nasty.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: And second of all, why were you eating them if they are nasty?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yes they r 100% nasty

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ur not human those r nasty

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix back me up here dude srsly

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No. 

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Also, corn flakes are fine. Just not the way Ingrid eats them.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ????

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wym how does ingrid eat them

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: With sugar. It’s disgusting. Absolutely disgusting.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why are you so scared of sugar wtf

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: is sugar like your boogieman like bro wtf

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Corn flakes with sugar are fucking good. Fuck you, Felix.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No, it isn’t. It’s disgusting. Fuck you, Ingrid. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ingrid stop saying the fuck word i cant handle this dude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ur breaking the law

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: By putting sugar on her corn flakes? Yes she is.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no by saying the fuck word

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ingrid cant curse thats not allowed

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Fuck you. I can do whatever the fuck I want to, Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok, tell me when and where baybee ;))))

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: but seriously stop saying fuck

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: please ingrid im begging you my dude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: do not say fuck

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Fuck. :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: Ingrid. You’re going to go to minecraft jail if you keep saying fuck.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You don’t have perms to do that, Sylvain. 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: So…

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Fuck.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You. :) 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: What are you gonna do about it big boy? 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Hit on my grandma? Again?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck you that was ONE TIME

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: let it go

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wtf why r you guys ganging up on me this is not very cash money

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I disagree. I’m feeling like a million bucks right now.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: not fair, stop being mean to me ingrid

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: didnt u know that 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fucking corn flake eating ass bitch

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You can’t get on me for eating corn flakes when you ate all of mine. 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Fucking corn flake eating ass bitch.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: STOP COPYING ME AND STOP SAYING FUCK

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: GOD DAMNIT INGRID

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Shut up, stinky. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thats it

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: who are you and why are you on ingrids account

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: cuz ingrid would NEVER say stinky

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: never ever not in a million bajillion years

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: like it defies the laws of nature

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: it goes against the natural order of things

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: it just aint right

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Many people would say that you go against the natural order of things, but it doesn’t stop you from existing.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I can say stinky if I want to. I can say stinky, fuck, and call you a stinky fucker if I so pleased.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no u cant

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Try and stop me, then, stinky.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix is that u

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Sylvain. I’m playing on my own account.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: but u call me stinky all the time

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ingrid NEVER says stinky

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: are u on ingrids acct right now

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain, I’m Ingrid.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up impostor the real dudes are speaking rn 

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I can’t be on two accounts at once, Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: says who

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you could be on two computers rn playing at once

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thats a thing

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain, we are literally sitting across the room from you right now. 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I am Ingrid, I am playing minecraft, and I am calling you stinky.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok if ur rlly ingrid who did I hit on that rlly pissed u off

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: My grandmother.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok ur rlly ingrid so wtf

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: That’s not a good way to check. Literally everyone knows by now that you hit on my grandmother.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no they dont

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes, they do.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Yes, they do. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no they dont

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: since ur rlly ingrid did felix tell u to call me stinky

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: did he put you up to this ingrid

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Felix doesn’t have to coerce me to call you stinky, Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ya he does

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im not even stinky smh

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes you are.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix :((((

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: besides we all know if anyone is stinky here itd be dimitri

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: dudes hair got more grease than a tub of butter

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Then you can both be stinky together. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you take that back

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im not stinky

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im not!

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: brb someone pinged me on discord

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: INGRID WTF WHY DID YOU JUST CALL ME STINKY IN FRONT OF EVERYONE

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: this is cyberbullying im telling the professor


	6. Ok boomer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adding a music bot to the discord server does not go well, and Dimitri is a boomer.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yo whoever added the music bot to the discord, you’re a GOD

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: a 100% certified MLG pro

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I added it. You’re welcome.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i take it back

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: As you once put it, “no takesies backsies, bro.”

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Bow down to your god, bitch.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Kneel before me, peasant.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: okay bro just tell me when n where ;)

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: right here, right now

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wow ok bro i didnt know you were into that shit ok

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: Who made the music bot leave?

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: Why is it playing careless whisper?

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: Sylvain, skip my song on the music bot again and I’ll ban you.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you cant do that can you

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes, she can.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i call bullshit

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: annette doesnt have mod

(Lions) FighterFraldaius: Yes, she does.

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: ^ Yeah, I do.:D

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wtf why does annette have mod

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and i dont????

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Because you’re irresponsible.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no im not

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im very responsible screw you felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: like have I ever once abused my power on the minecraft server

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes. You banned me for no reason the other day, and wouldn’t stop until the professor took away your perms.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: listen i had a good reason for that so

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: that was 100% responsible you and the prof just dont get it

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: like one of the rules here is no bullying or harassment

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: id argue that im very responsible because you were harassing me

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You’re forgetting to mention the fact that you’re not a mod, and the only reason you had perms in the first place was due to a screwup.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: excuses excuses 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hold up one sec i needa put on ur anthem felix

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: Sylvain, did you just skip my song again?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yeah. He did.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: annette wait i swear it was just to make felix angry with the haha funny clown music

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wtf did you just make a discord channel called baby jail

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why am i muted in every channel but baby jail

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: annette this isnt cool why did you make a role called “dumb baby”

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: Because you kept breaking the rules >:(

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: So you’re stuck in baby jail for an hour.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i am NOT baby

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You didn’t say you’re not dumb, though.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck off felix this is between me and annette

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Also yesterday when I insulted you you told me to stop because and I quote:

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: “stop being mean to me felix kun im baby”

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: that was then this is now

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and I am NOT baby

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes you are.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: whoever put on the autotune baby crying your moms a ho

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You added it to the queue before Annette muted you.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: nvm then i thought someone put it on just to mess with me

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: not because it slaps oops

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait i second i just checked you added it

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i take it back this doesnt slap it sucks and you suck

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: the music bot is no fun this sucks

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You’re only saying that because you can’t touch it for an hour.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I, for one, am having a great time.

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: Me too! ^_^ It’s super fun having the music bot in the server.

NoMercie has joined the game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oh thank god finally someone who wont bully me is here

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: mercedes help me annette and felix are bullies

(Lions) NoMercie: Sylvain, Annette is simply enforcing the rules.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: the rules do not say anything about being a “dumb baby”

(Lions) NoMercie: Oh! You’re right! They don’t! ^_^

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: see finally thank you now please give me back my rights

(Lions) NoMercie: There we go, I fixed the rules! ^_^

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: did you just add that to the rules

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: mercedes why D:

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: how come u and annette get to be mods on the discord server but dimitri isnt

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: my homie dimitri wouldnt treat me like this

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: They get to be mods because Dimitri is too boomer to do it himself.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: And they’re responsible. So the professor agreed.

(Lions) NoMercie: ^ 

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife:^

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: weve already gone over this dude thats not a good reason why i cant be mod or dimitri

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: were responsible

(Lions) NoMercie: *Dimitri is responsible. Not you. ^_^

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why does everyone bully me 

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Because you’ve sent every single person on here a shitty minecraft pickup line?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no that cant be it

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: that was top tier funny

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Was it?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: it was yes. and also i didnt send them to everyone cuz the prof is rarely if ever online so like havent sent one to her yet

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i will tho when i can

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You’re not helping your case.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you just dont understand felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you’re not a gamer

(Lions) NoMercie: We understand just fine, Sylvain. ^_^

(Lions) NoMercie: You’re just not funny. :D

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wym ur not a gamer u cant possibly understand

(Lions) NoMercie: Of course I’m a gamer, Sylvain. :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: prove it name 5 other games you’ve played other than minecraft

(Lions) NoMercie: TF2, Pokemon, Halo, Counter Strike, and Candy Crush.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i said 5 games candy crush doesn’t count its not a game

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: the rest r valid tho

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: Candy Crush is a game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no its not felix dude back me up here

(Lions) NoMercie: Candy Crush is a game. :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix nows your queue dude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: come on the bro code says you have to back me up

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: For the last fucking time, I didn’t sign, read, or agree to your stupid bro code.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: u never had to dw

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: when i sent it to you I said “exist to sign”

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Who says I exist?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bro…

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: that was deep… bro…

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: annette please let me out of baby jail i want to play music

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: No. You stay in baby jail til you’ve learned your lesson.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: In that case, leave him in there forever.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bro…

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bro…

WannabeFalconKnight has joined the game.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Whoever gave Sylvain the dumb baby role, you are 100% right.

(Lions) ItsAHardKnockLife: Thanks!

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ingrid bro… D:

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: supposed to back me up and be my homie

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: not call me a dumb baby

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: But you are a dumb baby.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: ^ See, Ingrid can see the truth.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Open your eyes, Sylvain. Open your eyes and see the truth.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: are you saying im not woke

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck you dude im the wokest

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im woker than caspar after chugging 4 five hour energies

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and dude thats like SUPER woke

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Ingrid, did you hear something?

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: All I hear is snoring.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: open your eyes felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: open your eyes and see the truth

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No, I don’t hear anything. Why?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bro…

PrinceDimitri has joined the game.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Sylvain, have you been causing trouble?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: I received a message from Annette claiming you were bullying people.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ???? no????

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: people are bullying me wtf

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Are you implying these accusations are false?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yea bro

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Felix?

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: He was skipping Annette’s songs on the music bot.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Ah. I see. Sylvain, stop doing that.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok boomer

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: I’m not a boomer, Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yea u r dude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ur a boomer

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: a 100% certified boomer

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: That’s not even possible. I’m too young to be a boomer.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you can be a boomer without actually being a boomer

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: being a boomer isnt about being physically a boomer

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: its about having big boomer energy my dude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and you my friend have massive boomer energy

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you like a tiny creeper

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: a baby boomer

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: I don’t get it.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: smh my giant brain energy is WASTED on you fools

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Says the dumb baby.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im not a dumb baby

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im not

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: ok baby

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok boomer

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You’re older than me, Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok boomer

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You do realize that would make you a bigger boomer than I, correct?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok boomer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im somehow managing to keep up with the wordcount for nano and I have no idea how


	7. Now that's a pog moment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain has a few questions about Barbie Horse Adventures for the PS2, and teaches Dimitri what a pog is.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: so i tried barbie horse adventures

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Why?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: because i could dont judge me

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I’m judging you.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck you felix i said dont judge me that means you cant

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: has anyone here played it i need help

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: What do you need help with?

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Oh of course Ingrid’s played it. Of course.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I don’t know what I expected.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Shut up, Felix.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ya shut up felix

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Ignore him. What are you having trouble with, Sylvain?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wtf ur actually being nice to me for once?

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: She’s a horse girl. Ask her about horses and she doesn’t get mad.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I’m not a horse girl, Felix.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes you are.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ya u r

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Felix, you’re a sword boy, you have no right to call me a horse girl.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You’re just as bad.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ya lol felix shes right

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain, you have no right to talk either, for many other reasons. 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: So if you want my help, shut up and tell me what you need help with.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wow its gonna be like that huh

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: "ya lol sylvain shes right"

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fuck you felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok so ingrid you know the snowy mtn area right

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Yes. What about it?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im stukc :(

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: stuck

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: stukc

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up felix the adults are talking here

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: While you may be a crotchety old bastard, Ingrid isn’t an adult.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Shut up, Felix. If you keep interrupting he won’t ever get to the point.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: And he would even do it with me shutting up?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yes

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Yes.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Fine.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: so like i keep getting stuck at the bridge with the raccoons!!

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i keep trying to run them over but it isnt working

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain, you know this is a kid’s game, right? They don’t let you kill anything.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: then how the fuck do the raccoons keep killing me??? this is unfair.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: You’re supposed to AVOID the raccoons, Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why???

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i have a horse they should be runnin from me not at me

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: That’s not the way the game works. 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Did you even read any of the help tips they gave you?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no why

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Then maybe you would know you’re supposed to AVOID the raccoons.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: They scare your horse.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thats stupid the horse could run them over ezpz

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I agree.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Shut up, Felix.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: And Sylvain, even though it may be stupid, it is what it is.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Because that’s the way they made the game, okay? 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: well then how tf do u get around em

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: they keep running at me :(

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: You’re on a horse, stupid. Just outrun them.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bruh!!! u dont think i tried that???

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up felix you dont know barbie games

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Did you try throwing them apples?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: u can do that???

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: How the hell did you not know you could do that?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i already said i didnt read ok ingrid

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Okay, first of all, Barbie tells you OUT LOUD to feed them.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: And second of all, how the hell did you make it to the snowy mountains without knowing this?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: pro gamer skills

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I give up.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Does this mean I can talk now?

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Shut up Felix.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: also ingrid wait pls i legit need ur help bro how do i feed them apples

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Maybe if you read the instructions, you’d know how. 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I’m not going to carry you through a children’s game, Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: barbie is not a childrens game

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes it is.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: its a game for big boys and girls

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up felix

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: A bit late this time.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up i was in the middle of typing a diff msg!!!

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Still late.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: cmon ingrid nows ur queue

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ingrid???

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: helloooooo ingrid u there

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ingrid?

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Shut up, Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: >:( 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: that was very not poggers of you

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Stop using the word poggers.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no. its funny :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: stop pogshaming me

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No. It’s funny. :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up felix

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Shut up, Sylvain.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Shut up, both of you.

PrinceDimitri has joined the game.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Good afternoon, all.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up dimitri

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Shut up, boar.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Shut up, Dimitri.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: ???

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Did I do something wrong? I don’t recall doing anything to warrant this ire.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I do.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: What did I do?

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Exist.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: pog!

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Shut up, Sylvain. You ruined it.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: I did not. Pog is amazing.

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: I’m sorry, but what is “pog”? I’m unfamiliar with this term.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: what is pog, you ask??? :3c

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Great, you’ve done it now, Dimitri. He’s started using the stupid :3 emojis again.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: dimitri my good friend

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: my bro

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: my homie in arms

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: please hop onto discord for a moment so i may educate you on the humble pog

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Okay?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: can i get a pog in the chat for pogducation???

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up felix!!! pogchamp pogchamp pogchamp

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: That doesn’t work in minecraft, dumbass.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bruh ik that

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: just use ur imagination a little!!! butthead!! pogFU

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: That’s it. I can’t take this anymore for today. I need a break. 

WannabeFalconKnight has left the game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: o bye ingrid

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oof im late

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: sadpog

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Sylvain what did you tell Dimitri about pog?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: that they’re amazing and he should use them at every opportunity

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thats why i had them added to the server!!

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: its partially bcuz annette likes pog too but it was mostly me so

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bow down to your pogchamp

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oops brb got pinged it was probs dimitri with more questions

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: as the pogxpert i am here to educate on pog culture so i must answer the call

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wow felix very mature

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: pinging me to send me a stream of pogFUs

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: u just did it again didnt u u fucker

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: u totally did u asshole dont lie ik it was u

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oh nvm it was dimitri

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: sorry felix

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bruh that wasnt an invitation to do it again!!!! 

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: I still don’t fully understand why the “pog” is funny, but I believe I understand what they are now.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: pog is funny cuz pog!!

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and good welcome to the pog club

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Don’t listen to him. Pog isn’t funny.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shut up felix

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Simply responding to everything I say with “shut up Felix” isn’t funny either.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yes it is lmao

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: so shut up felix

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Okay.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wait what

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: what do u mean okay

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: What is this video you sent me, Sylvain?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: its pog lore just watch it Dimitri

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wow felix no fancy haha stupid boar comment???

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wheres mr wise guy felix now huh

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: scared of the pog?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: scared of me?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: or maybe… 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: both????

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thats it isnt it felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: seriously bro i didnt mean actually shut up

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: come back im lonely

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: pls felix homie bro pls come home

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix seriously bro this isnt funny anymore

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Yes it is.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Pogchamp. Idiot.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bruh wtf its not funny when u say it

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thats just wrong, the vibes are ruined

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: please never say it again

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Say what? Pogchamp? Poggers? Perhaps, pogalicious?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bruh wtf pogalicious is a sylvain exclusive you especially cant say that one

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Just try to stop me, then, if you’re so pogalicious.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wtf thats not fair i cant cuz u have better armor than I do

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: That’s not my fault. 

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Go make some if you really care that much.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: but ill just die and lose it again :(

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: That’s a you problem, not a me problem. 

(Lions) PrinceDimitri: Is this a time where one would say “pogchamp”?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: yes

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the minecraft juju is back heehoo. I'm sorry it's been so long, I just got really distracted!


	8. Foreheadelgard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meme picture of Edelgard edited to have a massive forehead makes the rounds. Sylvain wants to know who made it.

pu55yslayersylvain has joined the game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: is felix on

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: No, why?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: because that fucker sent me the FUNNIEST picture of edelgard

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: they used that round filter on the pic and it makes her look like megamind

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: he sent it to me with the caption “foreheadelgard” and I absolutely lost my shit

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: but he hasnt responded to any of my messages and i NEED to know his source

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: the only thing he’s sent me for the past 3 days has been different edits of her

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Felix sends you memes? I thought you hate each other.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oh i cant stand him but that doesnt mean we cant be homies ingrid

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I’m pretty sure it does, actually, but okay.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: listen it’s a felix thing you wouldn’t understand

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: nobody does but i cant say i dont try lmao

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: but you have GOT to see these pics theyre so funny im losing my mind

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: one sec ill send one to you

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Is that a tic tac toe board drawn on her forehead?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ya lol wanna play

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I’m surprised Edelgard hasn’t killed you guys yet.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i dont think she knows abt it yet lmao 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: if she did felix would be dead by now

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: actually wait a second maybe thats why hes not on

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: maybe hubert found out and killed him

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: one sec lemme check with my gossip source

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: oh btw ingrid please dont tell dimitri hes such a stick in the mud hell tell on us

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Sylvain, that’d be because what you guys are doing is bullying.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Not because he’s a stick in the mud.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ugh not you too

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: its not bullying when dorothea posted that pic of my ass everywhere

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: and called it flat :^(

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Okay, but it’s not Dorothea you guys are making fun of. 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Edelgard doesn’t deserve this.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ingrid chill i didnt start it felix did

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: or whoever sent it to felix did because i dont think he took that pic himself

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: or edited it felix isnt funny

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: not that he doesn’t try tho he sent me a “like a boss” meme the other day

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Oh! I like those. Those are funny.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ugh not you too 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why was I put in a house full of normies

(Lions) NoMercie: Says the one who finds their memes on instagram. ^_^

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wow mercedes you decide to pop in NOW just to bully me?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i dont even get a hi when i join u just speak up to shit on my memes

(Lions) NoMercie: Yup! I’m busy.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: Wow. You were supposed to go “haha just kidding sylvain”

(Lions) NoMercie: But I wasn’t! ^_^

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ingrid i made my tic tac toe move please respond

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I already said I won’t participate in this, Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: fine. buzzkill.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: LMAO Caspar made a version of it with the box game

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: the one where u connect the lines on the dots

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: will u play THAT one with me ingrid

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: or is the box game not good enough for you too

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I don’t want any part in ANY Edelgard’s forehead themed games.

(Lions) NoMercie: I’ll play you. ^_^

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: pog

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i take it back that was cringe

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Did you lose?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no

(Lions) NoMercie: Yes, he did. 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you are all so mean to me

FighterFraldarius has joined the game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: FELIX

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: FINALLY

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: please tell me where you found foreheadelgard

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i need to know the comedic genius behind her creation

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: because she is truly the most beautiful thing i have ever seen in my life

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I didn’t find her.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: what

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I made her.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: whoah whoah hold up

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: very funny but sorry bro no way I’d ever believe that

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you send me memes more ancient than the monastery daily

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you don’t know how to be funny

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I send you those because I know they drive you insane. 

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I’m well aware of how painfully unfunny they are.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: As soon as Ingrid sends them to me I send them to you.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Wait, you mean you didn’t actually find those funny?

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No, sorry. 

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Then why didn’t you tell me? I would have stopped sending them.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Because I needed them.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: for what? duping your homies? i cant believe you felix

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i cannot believe you convinced me you were unfunny when you

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: are in actuality a comedic genius when u pull the stick out of ur ass

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: how the fuck does that even work

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: where did you get the idea for foreheadelgard 

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Oh, that was easy. 

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I made one of the boar and figured I’d make a matching set.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wtf theres a dimitri one??

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: And a Claude one as well.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: send them to me right fucking now felix

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: No.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: please im begging you oh my god you cant tell me they exist

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: without sending me them

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I can, and I will.

(Lions) NoMercie: Can I see them? ^_^

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: bro wtf why does she get to see them

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Because her username isn’t pu55yslayersylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: so ur saying if i changed it u would send me them

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: no dumbass

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: why not

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ill do anything bro please

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Anything?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok not anything but u know what i mean dude

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Deliver a printed copy of foreheadelgard to Edelgard’s desk and you have a deal.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: are you crazy

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: are you actually fucking insane

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: im not looking to die today

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Felix, just send him the meme already.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Fine.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ok what the hell all i had to do was get ingrid to tell u?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: wow.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: LMFAOOOOOO

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix holy fucking SHIT i cannot BREATHE

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: these are so good

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i cannot believe you have been holding out on this good content

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: but how has hubert not killed you yet

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: even if edelgard doesnt go on social media often hubert would have seen it by now

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: given how many edits caspar has posted

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Oh, that’s easy to explain actually.

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: I told everyone you made them.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: what

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: are you punking me rn

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Have fun, Sylvain! :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ingrid help me

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ingrid hello

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: She’s afk.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix legit bro im going to die and you are laughing at me

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: this is just fucking cruel what the hell dude

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: please tell me u were joking

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix?

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i fucking hate you sometimes

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Trust me, the feeling is mutual.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: Will you guys stop arguing for five seconds?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: no we are bonding ingrid

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: ^

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: you wouldn’t get it

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: see even felix agrees with me

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: dw we tight as fuck ill get him back for it

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: I don’t think that makes me feel any better about this, Sylvain.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: shrug

NarutoStan445 has joined the game.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: hey ashe have you seen foreheadelgard

(Lions) NarutoStan445: Have I seen what?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: one sec ill send it to you

(Lions) NarutoStan445: Ok?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: well? isnt it so great lmfao

(Lions) NarutoStan445: I don’t understand what’s so funny. It’s just an edited picture of Edelgard?

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: thats what makes it funny

(Lions) NarutoStan445: Sylvain, this just seems mean.

(Lions) WannabeFalconKnight: That’s what I said, too.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: ugh you guys are such buzzkills

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: being in the no fun allowed house sucks

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: felix?? why did u text me bro im right here just use in game chat

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: Check your texts, dumbass. :)

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i cannot fucking believe you

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: is this an invite to play tic tac toe on my own fucking forehead

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: the disrespect in this household holy shit 

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i cannot believe you. you’re going down

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: you’re on.

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: rematch

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: how the fuck did you lose at tic tac toe

(Lions) FighterFraldarius: its a game you can literally never lose at extremely easily

(Lions) pu55yslayersylvain: i was a little distracted by my own gorgeous forehead ok   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I legit somehow wrote this all in one session and I blame it on my stupid obsession with the forheadelgard meme pic. I'm not sorry.


End file.
